Friday, June 11, 2004

Well, it hasn't been that long, has it?


SEVEN MONTHS!?!


Well, time to get back to work.


Many things have changed; I now live in Atlanta. I no longer go to school. I now sell cars (Nissans, actually). I still struggle with money, but I just got promoted and things look really, really good for the first time since my brain melted. I haven't had a mood swing, headache, or fuzzy period in over 5 months!! I had my van repo'ed (voluntary turn-in), but get a car as part of my job (whew!). I like both where I work and whom I work for (both very nice changes).


Best of all, I like what I'm doing for a living.


Since I was about 16 years old people have been telling me I should be a salesman. And I did sell things; I'd by charm pops for 8 cents each in bulk from a wholesaler who knew me and resell them on the middle school and elementary school buses for 25 cents each. With about 100 per box, 24 boxes per case and selling a case every 2 weeks I was $432 in my poacket every month after I bought the next month's cases. That kept me fed and clothed my Senior year in high school. It also meant that I made, effectively, $20/hour. Not too bad.


But somehow I always felt like I wasn't quite ready to be a salesman. Looking back, I may have unconsciously known about the aneurysm, or at lest known that something wasn't quite right. I somehow knew that it would be a struggle.


Now, though, I love it. Meeting people, getting to know them, fulfilling their needs - its great! I enjoy every day at work.


Well, back to it!

Monday, November 17, 2003

OK, OK, its been far too long since I pulled something out of my psyche to write about.


I've been busy. 20 credit semester, 45+ hour work week, 4 kids under the age of 7, and an attempt at a burgeoning writing career.


I like to think that not blogging for a time is the least if my worries.


After months of debate about how to support myself as I turn pro writer (Back into computers? Sales? Consulting?) we've decided something radical.


We're going to try writing.


By that, I mean I have a 'good enogh' job now to get by. I'll start hitting agencies that specialize in placing writers with temp jobs, like manuals and sales copy, to pick up some extra cash and, hopefully, get me into a job where I write for a regular paycheck during the day and for the irregular royalty at home.


We'll see. In the meantime, tho', its good to be blogging.

Saturday, July 12, 2003

I've been trying to write a post about an Army cadence for about 40 minutes, but accidents keep mappening and wiping my text, so I'll take the hint and cut straight to my point.


The U.S. Army is getting fucked over by George w. Bush.


Now, Bush's dad and Dick Cheney fucked the Army over before. I know, I was there. Multiple deployments, usually during the Winter Holidays, to real nasty places to fight wars that didn't really directly affect us (remember when we invaded a sovereign nation to arrest its president because we didn't like him?). Ronald Reagan had cut the pensions of military retirees and George sr. and Dick cut things like recreation centers (do you know what there is to do in the middle of the Mojave? Nothing), improvements to the housing of enlisted men, etc. Then, right after the first Gulf War, they cut the size of the army - mainly by changing the rules to force out soldiers before they could retire. This was mainly done by a) making it very difficult to get promotions and b) requiring those promotions before you could retire.


Then Cheney had the gall to tell the military 'help is on the way'! Ha! When Bush sr. and Cheney were in charge my raises didn't keep pace with inflation.


Now we've got the army in Iraq again. And the war was not fought as a 'flexible force', it was fought on the cheap. It costs more money to ship tanks, so ship fewer tanks seems to be the real philosophy behind the force structure. Why do you want tanks? Its harder to kill guys in tanks. If the forces in Iraq for Iraq 2: Electric Boogaloo had been a standard mix, casualties would have been lighter and the operations wouldn't have taken any longer (remember how forces had to 'maneuver into position' - that was CYA talk for 'mass enough force to fight'. Tanks would have been as fast).


Another idiot move made to save money was the whole 'shock and awe' idea. "We'll scare them into quitting!" said the 'experts'. I was an intelligence spook in a tactical spook unit for over 6 years - when I heard the 'shock and awe' concept years before GWII:EB, I laughed. A buddy of mine named Scotty said it best, "There's a name for big explosions in the air that don't damage targets, and that name is 'fireworks'." The idea that the leaders would surrender in the face of no damage was discounted by military officers from the beginning.


Until, of course, Rumsfeld and Wolf O' Wits decided it was cool. Rumsfeld, by the way, never served in the military (although he was a councilor to Nixon). Wolfowitz, another hawk, also never wore a uniform nor carried a rifle. Both are flat-out eager to send others to die, however.


These two men, with only academic knowledge of combat, predicted that grateful Iraqis would welcome us with open arms ans we strolled into a Baghdad filled with cowering leaders so overwhelmed by airbursts that they were too afraid to fight.


Ah, well. In the business world, they'd be fired. In the military world, they'd be removed from command. In Washington, they're "leaders".


So now our soldiers sit in Iraq. Suicide bombers detonate themselves in the midst of kids from Iowa. Guys from Maine and Kentucky and Arizona are shot in the head while buying a coke on a hot day. Men who married their high school sweethearts haven't seen their wives, or their children, for six, nine, sometimes twelve months. Women with young children haven't held them or kissed them for just as long. All are watching Iraqis and wondering which one is going to try to kill them.


Try to imagine that. You just fought your way into Iraq. You are far from home. And every day someone might kill you while you are eating, or sleeping, or taking a leak, or talking to your friend. Back home, when a reporter asks the president about the danger you are in, he replies 'Bring 'em on". He's 7 time zones away. No one is shooting at him. His best friend wasn't turned into a stain and a pair of dogtags by a suicide bomber yesterday. He sees his wife and his kids every day. He sleeps in a bed, and eats three hot meals, and takes a shower every day. He doesn't have to wait in line for three hours (wondering if he's going to get killed) to call his mother for 5 minutes on her birthday.


Some of these soldiers have no mission anymore - there is literally nothing for them to do except risk death. They aren't being brought home. Rumsfeld has said that the units there will stay there 'because they are experienced'. They are also tired and emotionally exhausted. They have been misled about when they are coming home so many times they don't trust their leaders anymore (of course, their leaders were lied to - excuse me, 'misled' - all the way up).


You know what I think the reason is that these soldiers aren't being rotated? It costs money to swap troops. By leaving these tired, drained soldiers in Iraq the DoD can save some cash. Of course, many of the soldiers (those that live) will change their minds and not re-enlist - the lies, fear, and separation will make sure of that. So new, inexperienced people will be needed. Good thing the economy is bad; in bad times its easier to replace troops since people gotta' eat.


Of course, there is another danger. Tired troops can make mistakes. Scared troops can make mistakes. Emotionally exhausted troops can make mistakes. As time goes on, they may start to hate the Iraqis, seeing them as both the source of their fear (death) and the reason they are far from home (the war). If we leave these same troops over there long enough in bad enough conditions with no end in sight, every day increases the chance that someone will overreact and commit an atrocity like firing on a crowd of civilians, or using a grenade to 'clear a room' full of kids. With the level of training, leadership, and just plain old quality of modern American soldiers this is very unlikely. But if it does happen, they'll be left out to dry and Runsfeld will have something grave and statesman-like to say about it.


"Help is on the way" indeed.

Friday, July 11, 2003

See, that's why I dislike personal comments of too much immediacy on a blog. A brief crisis of faith in the plan I have adopted, a bit of anxiety mixed with too little sleep and viola! A lousy post.


BTW, I'm fine and the job wasn't nearly the Big Deal I made it. I just wanted to work with some old friends I don't see nearly enough.

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Man o' man. When I first conceived of Deep Thought I hoped to keep it impersonal for as long as possible. I mean, talking about yourself is neither deep nor profound unless you can illustrate the general human condition in reference to your own.


Of course, bloggers are always in it, ultimately, for themselves. As ,uch as some may rant that they are making "art" or that they are being "profound" (actually, the tendency of bloggers to take themselves far too seriously is where the name Deep Thought came from), in the end we are talking into the dark because we fear that no one wants to listen and yet hope that we are wrong....


Of course, I am dodging the issue. I started this blog for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is exorcising my own personal demons (and a big shout out to Sarah Hatter, Reverse Cowgirl, Blogdaddy, and, of course, Hjalmer).


My blog has so far covered a great many things that I really think and talk about; politics, economics, and (the big one) theology. But I have been omitting a great deal else, the fear, and the anger, and the confusion, and the joy, and love, and laughter; in other words, the human parts.


But it is harder for me to shout my emotions into the dark, because I am afraid the dark is listening. I was essentially mentally ill for a long, long time and I am afraid of what I feel to this day. It might be alien, it might be other, it might be not-me. Even knowing that the aneurysm that was short-circuiting my skull is gone, I know that my recovery is still going on. ad i fear that I might never be 'better'.


The scary part is, though - how do I tell if I'm crazy? If that gush of blood that oh-so-nearly crushed me damaged my brain permanently, how can I tell? If my emotional responses are off by 5 or 6 degrees, who can tell?


I hate this, I hate this, I hate this! Every question brings a pause as I wonder, every one of my answers is weighed and weighed again. My wife tells me that I sometimes don't answer the question that people ask me, I answer something else. I don't think so, I think that I understood it better than she did. But, what is she's right? What if the more certain I am, the more egregious the error? The Heisenberg Uncertainty Conversation.


Of course, it could be stress. A wife, four young children, no job, no home of my own, a full-time course load at college, trying to keep it together, and always wondering, wondering. Am I unemployed because the economy is bad, or because I can't get a job anymore? Or is it that people can sense the hesitancy, the not-like-me lack of confidence?


And that is the worst, isn't it? what if i am so busy wondering if I am really acting like me that I do not have time to act like me? What if i have made myself the new Sisyphus, always pushing the boulder of Self up the hill of Self-Doubt?


No time, no time. I must away and try to earn my bread.

Sweet heavens, I am wound tight. I have two tests today (one finished and one to go), but that's not it. No, I really, really want this job I applied for, and I don't think I'm going to get it. I applied Sunday night and the job posting was gone Monday afternoon. I am really qualified for the job, and I know people at the company, but I am just convinced that I won't get it. This is mainly because I have been trying to get hired into this same company for almost 4.5 years and its never worked out.


But I hope it does. Jen and I are down to about $850 and have no hope for more other than a job, and soon.


Enough about me, though.


I'll post more later, after my next test.

Sunday, July 06, 2003

Well, even more evidence that Western civilization in general and American civilization in particular is corroding in an inexorable slide into collapse.


Over the Fourth of July weekend there was a "boat rage" incident on Lake Minnetonka. For those of you who don't live in the Twin Cities Metro Area, Lake Minnetonka is a rather large lake in the eastern suburbs famous (or infamous, as you prefer) for the price of the homes on its shores (some are worth tens of millions) and the hauteur of many of those who boat there. Lake Minnetonka has many coves and bays and this incident occured in one of them.


Well, this weekend a boat seems to have either bumped another boat or rocked it with 'excess wake', causing the man in the receiving boat to lose his temper. Shortly thereafter, the man in the boat that did the bumping threw the other fellow in the lake - and drove his boat (including outboard) over him. The man thrown in the water is probably dead.


I hear you now, "Probably, Deep Thought? Aren't you sure?" No, no one is sure he's dead, and that is a more terrifying story than the one about how he probably died. A much more terrifying story.


You see, within a few moment sherrif's boats with deputies arrived to clear the area and get divers in the water to search for the missing boater. Eventually there were 35 deputies in 9 boats screaming through bullhorns to clear the area so the divers could start looking. Here's the beginning of the scary part - no one moved their boat. Nobody. A man is probably dead in the water, but maybe injured and needing help, and no one moves their boat to allow the police to try to find him.


Here's the scarier part - they didn't want to move becaue they were afraid they'd lose their prime 'fireworks watching' spots in the cove. That's right, the motivating force behind all of these people ignoring the police as they perhaps left an injured man to drown (and at least left his dead body in the water) was a fear that they wouldn't have a prime view of the upcoming fireworks.


And the scary finish to this story is the added fact that the police had great difficulty in getting statements about what happened from the eyewitnesses. Now, were they afraid of the man who probably killed a fellow boater? No. Were they ashamed of their callous disregard of the welfare of another human being? No. You see, the police were taking their statments during the fireworks show and people didn't want to "ruin their fourth" by giving the police a statement about the murder they witnessed instead of watching the fireworks. Other witnesses left immediately after the fireworks show despite the pleas of police to make a statement. Despite this, enough evidence was gained that two people are in custody and the investigation continues.


Let's sum up - in Minnesota, a place that prides itself on being friendly, a man is hurled from a boat and probably killed and the many observers refuse to either make room for divers to either save the man or retrieve his body or make statements as to what they saw because they wanted a good view of the fireworks.


I'm going to go out on a limb here, but I bet a lot of the people there got a little misty-eyed when they heard the National Anthem on the 4th of July. I bet many more of them get teary when they saw Bruce Willis' speech in the movie Armageddon. And I bet a whole lot of 'em get upset about the Holocaust and wonder how Germans could just stand by while 12 million people were purposefully executed in gas chambers.


Newsflash! Many of those Germans didn't want to get arrested, too. And some didn't want to risk losing that really good job they finally had. Or the nice house, social connections, whatever. Essentially, they didn't want to risk losing their place for the really good show.


If you think I am being too harsh in drawing a comparison between the boaters who wouldn't move and complacent Germans under the Nazi regime, let me respond with this; The boaters are probably far worse than the majority of WWII-era average-joe Germans were. Most Germans were just careful not to connect the dots; they didn't turn and look full-on at the truth. These boaters knew the truth and turned their back on a man's life and probable death. They weighed a man's fate against a fireworks display and found compassion wanting. They compared letting another man's family know whether their husband and father were alive or dead with their own family's opportunity for a really good view of fireworks and decided in favor of the red starclusters.


One of my first posts was about the separation of compassion from the rest of our lives and how this is a sign of moral corrosion. My example then was how the Nazi high command could order the Final Solution one day and cry at the opera the next. I am afraid that this is a new example, a new indicator that many members of society are placing empathy for their fellow humans in a box that is only opened for movies and family reunions.


And in the end, what is civilization but formalized empathy for others?

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

I should be sleeping. But I'm not.

Monday, June 23, 2003

Most of my friends are ignoring the brouhaha over prescription drugs and medicare. After all, we’re young, hip, and immortal. The fact of the matter is, though, that even if you plan to die young and leave a good-looking corpse, you should be worried about how the government is screwing us all over.

The House and the Senate have each passed slightly different prescription drug plans for senior citizens. Democrats (as usual) are saying things like “it doesn’t go far enough” (implying that its good, but not great) and Republicans are predictably shouting “this is salvation for seniors”. In reality, though, this sucks for everybody.

Here’s how the plan is going to work. A senior citizen signs up for private insurance that covers prescriptions. Then, once they are enrolled, the government helps pay for prescriptions – but only after a certain amount of premium is paid (about $450 a year) and after a certain amount of money has been paid by the senior citizen for drugs (about another $250). After all of that the plan begins to pay 80% or 100% of the remaining drug costs (depending on if we’re talking House or Senate plan). Sounds OK, right?

Well, not really. The first big problem concerns the fact that the plan won’t go into effect until 2006. This isn’t because its complicated (although it is), this is because virtually no company offers prescription-only insurance – the basis for the plan. Congress expects private companies to begin offering prescription-only insurance in the meantime so that they can cash-in on the plan.

This may be wishful thinking. The people most likely to enroll in such plans are those who really need the coverage. Insurance companies make their profits by not covering people who are likely to need their insurance. Or, they do so by overcharging enough in premiums and co-pays that they still make money despite providing benefits. So the companies that do provide prescription-only insurance are almost certainly going to charge as much as possible for every step of the insurance cycle. All of those extra costs, by the way, will be paid for with tax moneys.

The Senate version of the bill has a provision, though, saying that Medicare will offer its own prescription insurance – but only if there are less than 2 private providers of such insurance in a region. Many worry that this will in effect promote local monopolies – insurance companies that are the sole providers of insurance in a region who, free from competition, charge whatever they want and have their charges gladly paid for with tax money.

Another problem is the cost structure. Although senior citizens that spend a great deal on prescription drugs ($5,000+) will save money, they vast majority of seniors (about 70%) will not have their costs go down. Indeed, the Commonwealth Alliance (a watchdog group) estimates that about 35% of seniors on Medicare will have their drug costs go up. For about 10% they will double or more. Oh, and if they have other insurance (say, from retirement benefits) that contribute toward drug costs, that money doesn’t count toward the plans out of pocket costs – no matter what, you must pay $700+ to receive any benefits.

To sum up, the plans currently passed by Congress rely upon an almost nonexistent service that, if and when it is provided, will cost some senior citizens more than they pay now and will certainly cost the government a great deal more than if they were to pay all cost directly (since the plan is effectively funding insurance company profits on top of drug costs). It involves a chain of doctors, private individuals, private insurance companies, pharmacies, etc., all of which will require more administration, also driving up costs.

So why did the Congress pass a bill that makes care more complicated, more expensive, and more prone to error? As usual, the answer is ‘money’.

According to the group Public Citizen, drug companies spent almost a quarter of a billion dollars on lobbying, advertising, and campaign contributions during the 2000 election cycle. The annual lobbying expenditures by drug manufacturers has been no less than $25 million for almost 2 decades. The three or four drug companies that dominate the market spend fortunes on influencing our elected leaders to protect their own immense profits.

How immense are the profits of the drug industry? According to Fortune magazine (April 2002 issue), the average profits of the major drug manufacturers were 8 times the average return of the rest of the Fortune 500, making it the most profitable industry in America. Indeed, the most profitable drug company in America, Pfizer, made more profit ($7.8 billion after all taxes, expenditures, etc.) than Fortune 500 companies engaged in railroads, clothing, home construction, and publishing combined. Merck, the second most profitable drug company, had a total profit of 7.3 billion, meaning that its profit was greater than the profits of all Fortune 500 companies engaged in hotels, casinos, resorts, crude oil production, pipeline industries, food production, and semiconductor manufacturing combined.

According to the University of Minnesota, the drug industry has been one of the top two industries in America for over 30 years and has been the clearly dominate money-maker since the dawn of the 1990’s with a profit margin almost 4 times greater than the average for Fortune 500 companies. Heck, even inn 2001, when the economy as a whole was taking a dive for the pavement, gross profits for the drug industry were up 33%. Needless to say, the multimillionaire CEO’s of these companies, with their hundreds of millions of dollars in stock options, are very interested in protecting these immense profits.

In addition to lobbying congress (also known as ‘paying for protection’), the drug companies lobby us, the everyday consumer. The most successful ploy is to contend that the enormous costs of research and development to develop drugs that may or may not work demand that they charge high prices – otherwise, they say, they can’t keep developing life-saving drugs.In an informal survey of 50 people at a nearby college I found that 80% of them could recite this argument almost word for word.

In truth, however, R&D doesn’t cost that much. While the National Science Foundation does report that drug companies spent about $16 billion on R&D in 1997 (the most recent comparative year), this was less than the $18 billion spent on R&D for computer hardware alone, meaning that they are spending less R&D money than companies that do not compare to their level of profitability.

Indeed, Fortune magazine reports that none of the top 10 drug companies spent more money on R&D than they designated as profits in 2001. Indeed, on average drug companies spend three times as much money on advertising, marketing, and administrative costs as they do on research and development. And according to a Senate committee report from 1991, drug manufacturers exaggerate their research costs by adding in all expenditures on marketing research, including things like focus groups and surveys to create a name for a new drug.

It gets even shadier. An oft-cited 2001 report by the Tufts Center for Drug Development claimed that it costs $802 million dollars to develop a single new drug. This number is, in polite terms, an obfuscation. The Tuft’s report includes in this total the ‘opportunity cost of capital’, or the theoretical money ‘lost’ by the company by not investing in something else. Now, considering that the most profitable industry in America is the manufacture of new drugs, I am not alone in wondering how the Center for Drug Development decided that this hypothetical cost came to about $400 million dollars per new drug, or about 50% of their total estimated costs.

Another ‘obfuscation’ is the failure to mention that R&D dollars are tax deductible, meaning that, after tax savings, R&D costs should be reduced by about 33%, reducing the actual cost of R&D to about $240 million per new drug. Last but not least, the Center for Drug Development’s estimates are only for the development of completely new drugs, something that is increasingly less common. Most new drugs today are variations of existing pharmaceuticals, meaning that the actual R&D cost per a new drug may average as low as $40 million each, perhaps much lower.

We will almost certainly never know the actual costs of R&D for new drugs because the companies involved (despite their complaints) refuse to divulge the information. Even when subpoenaed by Congress the drug companies refused, eventually winning the right to stay silent in the Supreme Court in 1993.

In addition to all of this, the government pays for at least some drug research and development with tax money. The National Institutes of Health says that 45 of the top 50 drugs in volume of sales were developed with at least some government funding (with a total of no less than $175 million in taxpayers’ money) and that total drug research expenditures by the government were over $1 billion dollars in 1996. Unfortunately, the NIH tracks its research spending “very loosely” and cannot give a detailed accounting of how the money was spent.

What we do know, however, is very upsetting. For example, the drug Taxol was developed at taxpayer expense (for a mere $27 million, at that). It is currently exclusively marketed by Bristol-Meyers Squibb and had total sales of about $1.6 billion world-wide in the year 2000. The return to taxpayers? Zero dollars.

The drug industry also receives tax breaks. In a 1999 congressional report it was revealed that the average effective tax rate of major industries was about 27% from 1993-1996. During that same period, the effective tax rate for drug manufacturers was about 16% due to tax breaks granted by Congress. In the end, the most profitable industry in America is also the least-taxed industry in America. This is certainly the result of decades of hard-core lobbying by the drug industry.

Which leads us back to the prescription drug bills now being reconciled in the congress. One of the reasons that it is so complicated is to make sure that prescription drug users are not represented by a single company or governmental group. Why? It drives down costs and, thus, profits.

Virtually every European nation (and I’m including Canada is this group) negotiates prescription drug costs. Some set limits to profits, requiring a company toi reimburse the government if it exceeds some upper profit limit (about 17% in England, more elsewhere), some encourage the use of generic drugs, and some simply sit down with the drug companies and reach an agreement on a ‘fair’ price. According to the Government Accounting Office all the nations that do this use the same drugs that Americans do but spend between 35% and 50% less total on prescriptions. Similarly, in America the Veteran’s Administration has conducted simple negotiations with drug companies reducing the cost of prescription drugs at VA centers by 50%. As a result, 60% of the drug companies’ world-wide profits come from America.

Needless to say, the drug companies are very interested in maintaining the high prices in America – the difference is pure profit. As a result, more than $12 million in ‘soft money’ alone was donated to political parties and PACs in 2001-2002 (75% to Republicans, the rest to Democrats). And an additional $78 million was spent on lobbying members of Congress that same year. In total, the drug industry has a total of about 625 full-time lobbyists, more than half of which are former Federal employees – including 23 former members of Congress.

And the lobbying is paying off. Over the last 20 years, as the drug companies spent more and more in Washington, all efforts to provide a prescription drug benefit directly through Medicare have failed, patent protection for drugs (making them more profitable for longer) have been extended a number of times, and legislation has been passed limiting the ability of citizens to sue drug companies for damage caused by drug side-effects.

And, of course, the new prescription drug plan from Congress. A plan that costs senior citizens more, costs all taxpayers more, denied patients the opportunity to engage in group negotiation, and guarantees that the drug companies will continue to make tens of billions of dollars in profit every year.

Thursday, June 19, 2003

OK, OK - I've been busy. Summer term started and I'm taking Christian Morality and the Theology of Global Economics - lots of reading for both! In the last two weeks I've read three entire books (scholarly books, yet), written four papers, reviewed the social teachings of the Catholic Church, etc., etc. - all while writing two projects and doing the usual "4 sons and a lovely wife" stuff, too!


And, speaking of writing, it just doesn't pay enough right now - so I'm looking for a "real" job. The urgency is a bit high, too - I need $3,000 to purchase our van (I'll never lease again!) or I won't have a way to get to school or work. I've actually started asking relatives for a loan, but most of my relatives are not in a position to help. Ah, well - something will come up.


But enough about me... what about you?


Well, gotta' get to class. I'll post more later.

Friday, June 06, 2003

Man, what a bind I am in. And on so many levels. Let me explain.


No, its too complicated. Let me sum up.


Almost exactly a year ago I ceased being employed by my former employer under circumstances that I cannot talk about in deference to our lawyers.


Anywhoo, I decided that I would work for myself and went into writing. After a few false starts, I started to develop a freelance career aimed at a very small niche. And its now starting to pay off. Slowly. And with the occasional 'we'd like to pay you, but we have no money'.


Life or a writer, tight?


Here's part of the rub. I figured this would be the perfect time to return to college and complete my degree. If writing is great, its cool. If it isn't, I am now degreed and, thus, more employable. I have often suffered from a (irrationally) terrible combination of having over 10 years of experience as a manager and no degree. I think this demonstrates that I have proven time and again that I am a capable, talented manager who has clearly demonstrated leadership abilities (after all, I keep getting promoted to manager). However, no HR department agrees with me. Even worse, when you have 4 managers and all but one has a degree, guess whi gets laid off first?


That's right - I do.


So, I figured, my degree completion will be good.


More stickiness added.


I like college. A lot. Now that my brain isn't being crushed by an aneurysm, I'm doing really well.So Jen and I started thinking/talking about/debating "why don't I get my master's degree?"


So I'm going to do that now. A master's degree.


More stuff.


And why not get a PhD? In my chosen field (theology) you really must have a PhD to be employed as a professor. And it would add credibility to my writing. And I'm considering public speaking - a PhD would be real handy for that.


Back to the here and now.


So, writing has been a bit of a slow starter. I'm not going to quit, but I need to, say, feed my children - so I'm looking for a real job.And I want to get my master's here. If I do well enoguh, I can get into Notre Dame's PhD program, with its full ride plus stipend.


Or should I get a job and go to the MA part-time? Just get a job?


Argh. Well, I'm obviously a bit burned out with sheer potentiality. Time to put in the Conan the Barbarian soundtrack and stop thinking so much.

Tuesday, June 03, 2003

Here I am, taking a break from... well, writing something else, actually. I'm working on the player's guide for the d20 adaptation of the DemonWars Saga series of novels by R. A. Salvatore. Mucho fun.


And I finally found the album Heaven or Las Vegas by the Cocteau Twins. I was certain I had lost it in the move and was ready to buy a new copy when it shoed up. I am personally convinced that if you haven't heard Liz Fraser singing you have missed an important, perhaps life-changing, event. I don't know how many reviewers have compared her to an angel. Heck, when they needed someone to sing the Elvish Lament in Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring they got Liz. By herself.


And she sounded just like what I thought elves would sound like when I was 12 and read the books for the first time.


Let me put it this way - I'm such a big fan of Liz that I not only have her agent's phone number and email address (I was an intelligence goober in the army, ya' know), but I've written to him about how my wife and I can get to meet her (Jen is a huge Liz fan, too). He's nice, BTW, not what you'd expect from an agent based on how Hollyweird portrays them in movies, and makes vague comments about her next big tour in America.


Fair enough.


Until then, though, I'll keep listening to songs like Iceblink Luck and Frou-Frou Foxes in Midsummer (from this album) or my all time favorite, Treasure Hiding.


And no, Hjalmer, I won't give you the agent's contact info - he made me promise not to if we want to meet Liz.


In my place you'd do the same thing.